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The Day I Realised Leadership Wasn’t About Me
- Oct 7
- 2 min read
I have held various leadership positions throughout my career, and one thing became clear to me very quickly. An uncomfortable realisation that leadership wasn't about me at all.
I remember the day clearly when I was getting frustrated because "the people" in my broader team were not listening to my instructions and doing things the way I wanted them done.
I had just stepped into a new leadership role, and the pressure to perform was mounting. I wanted to prove myself, to show that I could lead a team and deliver results. I had listened to others who said, "Leadership was about being strong, decisive, and always having the answers." How wrong was I!
But the truth was that in the end, I was exhausted, and my team was frustrated with me. We were not engaged, and there was a clear lack of ownership across the team.
Then, one day, there was a point of realisation after a fellow leader asked me what I was trying to do: lead a team or build an empire. At that moment, everything for me on the inside fell apart.
That simple question hit me harder than any performance review ever could. I realised that I'd made leadership all about me, my effort, my stress, my expectations. I wasn't leading with my team; I was leading at them.
That was the day I began to understand what authentic leadership is about. Leadership is not about control or titles; it's about influence and relationships. It's not about being the smartest person in the room or having all the solutions. It's about service, trust, and creating an environment where others can thrive.
Over time, I shifted my approach. I stopped trying to be the hero at the front and started standing alongside my team instead. I began asking more questions instead of giving more instructions. I tried to listen more. I opened the decision-making process to the whole team.
Thereafter, I focused on being the facilitator and removing roadblocks rather than directing every move. Slowly, things changed. Ownership grew. My team became more engaged, creative, and collaborative. Ideas started coming from every person, not just me.
I discovered that when you create space for people to lead, they rise to the occasion. And when they succeed, the entire team succeeds. That is the heart of servant leadership, leading through service, empathy, and trust.
Looking back, that one question shifted the entire trajectory of my leadership journey. It taught me that the real measure of a leader is not how much they accomplish personally but how they step out of the way and enable others to accomplish great things.
So, if you're feeling the weight of leadership right now. The pressure to know it all, to do it all, to fix it all, stop and take a breath. Remember, leadership isn't about you. It's about those you serve.
🌟 Have you had this realisation, and has it changed you as a leader?
